it figures

I have been really unhappy with myself lately. I know I am not healthy and need to make some changes. I decided today to do something about it. I decided to lay off carbs and sugar.....they are my enemy. My downfall...my kryptonite if you know what I mean. And in addition to that I cleaned out my exercise room. By myself. You see it has been acting as a storage unit since the great flood of may 2015. I asked my hubby to make sure I get up at 6 am so I can spend some time in there. My least favorite time of the day.....but I need this. Do you know what he said? Well if your gonna get up at 6 then I will do my workouts after I get home from work........now I love my hubby with all my heart. I adore him......he is my bestie....he is my favorite person ever!!!!! But...yes there is a but. I do not like losing weight with him. The man drops weight like crazy. It is so easy for him..it's like he says...oh I stopped drinking soda this week and worked out and lost 10 pounds this week. It makes me so jealous because that just does not happen for me. I wanted to do this for me...my thing....and now I am going to judge my success off his and feel like a failure. I hate that I do this but I do and I can't help it. I wanted to do this kinda in secret to avoid this whole situation because I feared it happening and it did. I know I am a brat. Things just seem so easy for him and hard for me. He falls asleep in one minute...it take me hours with a sleeping pill. He drops weight fast.....it clings to me for dear life. I just can't catch a break. I am going to work on this. I am trying.

Dear Me......

Thanks for the reality check.  You are right.  I am going to fix what is wrong with us.  It is up to me.  You can help me though, by keeping me motivate and pushing me to go just a little more and a little harder.  Right after my reality check, I went down to the gym while the little's were at nap time.  You realized that I have just about everything in there.  I have a treadmill, a stationary bike, a stair stepper, and elliptical, an abCoaster, a weight machine and a bunch of free weights and stretch bands.  I also have my P90x series somewhere.  I can do this. I really have no excuse.  I busted out a 30 minutes on the elliptical and my knee doesn't even hurt! (knock on wood) Are you proud of me?  I am setting some goals.  Here goes:

Lose 36 lbs in 6 months.  By June 1st (Dyllon's birthday)  I want to have the weight at a more healthy 130 lbs.  I also want to see if I can get off all my medications by this time.  I guess that we will have to see what the Dr says about that.

How is I going to accomplish this?  I am going to work out at least 5 times a week.  I do need to go longer than 30 minutes so I will see if Kendall would like to do some yoga tonight.

Eating.......this will be harder.  I need to get that cholesterol taken care of.  To do this I need to cut out all meats with the exception of chicken breast, turkey breast and fish.  I am going to eat mostly vegetarian which means a lot of plant based foods.  I am not going vegetarian just trying to eat better and lower the bad cholesterol.  Dairy, very little for me, but I am not such a big fan of dairy anyway. Also, I am going to cut out most sugars.  I say most because I am going to allow myself one treat a week.  When I say I can't have anything....this makes me crave it more.  I am also going to see if I can find a low cholesterol cookbook that can help me find things that are yummy to eat.

Lastly, I am going to try and get at least 12 glasses of water a day.

ME and Self, we can do this!

Dear Self......

I'm not well...........Don't you realize that what you do to me is not helping you?  You are UNHEALTHY!!!  Only you can fix me.  You have me weighing in at a staggering 166 lbs. You are only 5'2".  Holy Crap, you should lose at least 36 lbs girlfriend. Really, know wonder none of your clothes fix.  You know all the panic attacks that you have been having?  Don't you think that they just might be a warning sign that something bad is going to happen unless you take care of me better.  Your blood pressure is to HIGH!  Come on.....you take 2 pills just to try and lower me.  One of these pills cause you to panic and we all know how fun the panic attacks are.  You have to take a pill just to calm those little babies down.  Now, to make matter even worse......you get the call from the Dr. office that your Cholesterol is through the roof.  And they don't mean Party and raise your hands through the roof.  Just landed yourself on a cholesterol medication.  So lets take count of the pills now.  4 fish oil, 2 potassium, 2 blood pressure and one freak out pill.  Not to meant the acetaminophen or the stomach pills that you take often just to feel better.  Man self.....you are a freaking pharmacy!  Please help me!  Now you are being a cry baby as you type this because you realize how out of hand this has gotten.  How can you help me?  You have got to start eating better!  This not only means you!  If you are unhealthy so is your family....they eat the same things that you do.  You have got to exercise.  I know it hurts the knees, but guess what hurts less.....to be dead......is that really what you want?   A little pain and uncomfort never hurt anybody and there are ways to exercise that won't cause you pain!  JUST DO IT!  I dare you! So please make a plan and help me!  I cannot do it, I need you to do it for me.  I know it will be hard, but I will do it with you and it will totally be worth it!

Day 9

Hello.........Today when I weighed in I was 163.2  this is a .8lb loss.  This brings the total to 7.8 lbs.  I am not gonna lie.......Yesterday was super hard and it took a lot not to just give in and scrap the diet.  I hope that today is a better day.

Day 8

Weigh in today was a disappointing 164.0 lbs.  A gain of 1 lb over the weekend.  Weekends are so hard for me.  Today is a fresh start.  But lets look back at last week successes.  I did lose a total of 7 lbs last week.  YES!!!!  Go me!  Let's see if I can get that going again this week.  I vow to do good again!

Day 7

I don't want to talk about what happened today.....lets just say that I know that I will do better tomorrow.

Day 6

Weigh in was at 163.0 lbs. I was down another 1.2 lbs.  YES!!!! Even after eating out yesterday!  This brings the total down to 8 lbs.